Wednesday, March 10, 2010
disclaimer:this blog is just for the laughs .any resemblance to any person or situation is highly sympathized:-).
so you wanted to be daddy`s girl or the mama`s boy and you opted for an arranged marriage to be their apple of the eye?you are in for big trouble...:)
here are the basic`` RULES `` to qualify yourself for an arranged marriage:
1)stop staring and giving glances at the hunk/babe on the road.be absolutely `crush/infatuation` free.
2)no make up,no dressing up stylish.the more nerdy you are,the better.
3)have patience:you gave up on your hot and pretty girlfriend or your wooer boyfriend to settle for an arranged marriage and now you gotta wait for years together for the elders to decide the Mr./miss right for you(a complete loser at its best).
4)you gotta know the ``acting`` skills.(the family ``drama` requires a lot of acting ,so indulge people.)
the ``steps`` that lead you to an arranged marriage (aahh!!!bliss zzzzzzzzzzz):
step 1:get yourself photographed for the matrimonial pictures(pose like monalisa junior or hitler junior ),you thought you could wear your favourite tee shirt and jeans and pose like a model??aww comeon!!!!!you need to look 10 years older in the photograph else you aren't approved by the elders.
step 2: your horoscope!!!!!The more ``sins`` you committed in your previous birth,the more ``bad``er your horoscope is gonna get....bbbwwahhhh!!!!!
step 3: matching the horoscopes.if the number of ``sins`` are equalised between the girl and the guy...volla!the guy gets to see the girl (i didnt mean dating!!!!!you gotta behave nerdish here .remember??
step 4: the guy comes to see the girl (finally!!!!)...with his parents i mean.
this is the day when parents get to show off their daughter`s /son`s degrees ,salaries,and not to mention the gold(du uh!!!!) and their authority towards their daughter /son.
This is the day where parents get to do all the talking and ask all the questions and the girl and the guy get to behave like total zombies.
the kinda questions the oldies ask the girl:``do you know to sing? do you know cooking?do you know to fart??``(yea right!!!!!!! we spent 5 years struggling to get our degrees ,bearing with all the nutty professors and slogging through our internals and managing to survive even in the recession times and we get to hear this!!!!!wots the world coming to????????!!!!!
step 5:engagement:this is to officially signify that the girl and the guy could ``hang out `` and make calls to each other.
step 6:the actual wedding: the D day.......by this day the girl`s and the guy`s bank balance would have gone to zero,buying sarees and gold for the elders to please them. This is the day of total chaos and mayhem(the uncles and the aunties run around the wedding hall with tension on their faces as if they are stuck in a crisis like in the charlies angles or a James bond movie!!!! This is the day where the relatives come ``smiling`` to wish the couple and gossip behind their back that the food and attention they got was `` not upto the mark``(ggaaahhhhhh!!!!)
iam sure most of the couple end up having knee injuries and jaw pain by the time the wedding ceremony ends (they had to stand the whole morning and the whole evening and smile at all the elders and pose for the camera and not to mention falling flat at every elder`s feet!!!!!
finally when the wedding ceremony ends the poor couple would be totally tired and their faces would look like they have been hit by a hurricane.